It was so tenacious, her manner of embracing me with trickling affection that I could not help but abate the reluctance. The admiration she held for me could not simplify into an elaboration but I felt honored. I almost felt tamed. After a moment of confusion I unfastened and hugged her back.
I remember meeting her once or twice as someone elses grandmother, years ago. Her fragile but consistent grip around my neck and the interval explained she perhaps took me as her grandchild for she stood there asking me to walk with one of her children for life. Expression of emotions only deepened its mark. I made a note to self for upcoming emotions that my cynical self dwindle away before; don't forget to express.
"Amma, when you hear the word 'uncontrolled' what is the first thing that pops in your head?" I asked across the room.
"Cells dividing uncontrollably, malignancy," Mania took a shot.
"Time," Saria had her say.
"What is your word, Maa?" I watched Amma who didn't seem too keen to answer.
"Tum," Saria said to me, looking at Amma for her response.
Surprisingly, Amma didn't say anything and passed me a smile.
I treated her with my usual intense response to her challenging ways. A response that is so unrestrained that it's impossible for her to neutralize and for me to eliminate. Perhaps, the loud, unforgiving, disturbing and persistent kind is the nature of any bond I have ever felt with the very few that grow close. In fact, it is almost like this undaunted factor is the reason why I never fear losing these very few ones for I am so truly what I am before them. This insanity only dies with the efforts of the other to emancipate; I don't blame them. Those I fear losing, I will lose. So, I let fear not wander around. Those who want to be lost, I will let loose.
The other outcome is the time when I am tamed. It is perhaps a level higher than the boisterous proof of a bond. And I am glad you tried. It was enough an effort to have me treat you in a civilized manner, Shaan-e-SMC. Because what is to be noticed here is how much this nuclear reactor is cherished. It is not. So, I will get rid of it. One has to be flexible enough to have others relax. Treat them according to their level of Zabt and Idraak. And when they come along with something unreasonable; I tolerate.
So, help me Allah.
I remember meeting her once or twice as someone elses grandmother, years ago. Her fragile but consistent grip around my neck and the interval explained she perhaps took me as her grandchild for she stood there asking me to walk with one of her children for life. Expression of emotions only deepened its mark. I made a note to self for upcoming emotions that my cynical self dwindle away before; don't forget to express.
"Amma, when you hear the word 'uncontrolled' what is the first thing that pops in your head?" I asked across the room.
"Cells dividing uncontrollably, malignancy," Mania took a shot.
"Time," Saria had her say.
"What is your word, Maa?" I watched Amma who didn't seem too keen to answer.
"Tum," Saria said to me, looking at Amma for her response.
Surprisingly, Amma didn't say anything and passed me a smile.
I treated her with my usual intense response to her challenging ways. A response that is so unrestrained that it's impossible for her to neutralize and for me to eliminate. Perhaps, the loud, unforgiving, disturbing and persistent kind is the nature of any bond I have ever felt with the very few that grow close. In fact, it is almost like this undaunted factor is the reason why I never fear losing these very few ones for I am so truly what I am before them. This insanity only dies with the efforts of the other to emancipate; I don't blame them. Those I fear losing, I will lose. So, I let fear not wander around. Those who want to be lost, I will let loose.
The other outcome is the time when I am tamed. It is perhaps a level higher than the boisterous proof of a bond. And I am glad you tried. It was enough an effort to have me treat you in a civilized manner, Shaan-e-SMC. Because what is to be noticed here is how much this nuclear reactor is cherished. It is not. So, I will get rid of it. One has to be flexible enough to have others relax. Treat them according to their level of Zabt and Idraak. And when they come along with something unreasonable; I tolerate.
So, help me Allah.
Shaan-e-SMC,is it you or someone else or its actually a trend that y'all follow?
ReplyDeleteIt's Anum.
ReplyDeleteSo Mission akhlaq was for her?
ReplyDeleteAbout Ghalib I'll inbox you.Got stuck into something more sever.
ReplyDeleteNo, Mission: Akhlaaq is on in general.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am telling you, the moment I read it, I was all like it's so meant for his wife.
Kiyunkay itna gehra aadmi gali kay konay per beth kar, sharaab pee kar, bakwas kar kay bhi gehra hi rehta hai. Shayad woh laperwahi ka muzahira kar kay faraar talaash kartay hon. Shayad. Aulaad zinda na bachhnay ka gham to tha unhain, I am sure.
ReplyDeleteMay be he did.Or most likely he didn't.:P See,I have never been Ghalib's fan;the contradiction between his words and actions,the very flirty tone(which since you insist was directed towards his wife;while I and many others remain doubtful of such intentions;we'd say,was mere poetic and abstract projections)and the miseries that he had actually brought on his poor wife;by not taking his responsibilities as a husband,by wearing that light-eloping attitude because of which she was the one to get most affected in times when we know how terribly a woman's happiness depended on his husband and I find him guilty.Then again,I wouldn't like to judge him(that's not my job),as both husband and wife suffered from the trauma of losing their children.So he's verily one of the greatest poets,history of arts could ever produce but unfortunately he lacked character and actions.
ReplyDeleteAnd sweetheart;actions speak louder than words.:)
Fine.
ReplyDeleteBlah.
And yes, actions do speak louder than words. But we mustn't forget words can be tremendously twisted.
Hopefully,that description change doesn't have to do anything with what I said about Mr.Gibb.:P
ReplyDeleteAnd,yes,words can be tremendously twisted;therefore its always wise not to rely on mere words when making decisions.:)
Decisions, yes. Speculations, no. Let's speculate him saying this to his wife.
ReplyDeleteFine.You win.Idiot! :P
ReplyDelete