Gaining

How something needs to be sinusoidal.
- Life needs to be sinusoidal, unpredictable, risky for us to always remember that it is not of life the trait of stability, although gripping is. Hahahaha, sinusoidal and gripping is a colicky pain.

How the lack of something needed and wanted are completely different.
- The lack of something needed is easier dealt with than that of want. Lack of something needed perishes, ends us. Whereas the lack of something wanted tortures.

How two things that are the exact opposite of one another can stand at the same time.
- Need is not always want and vice versa. But stand at the same time.

How everything is delusional.
- It just is.

How easily we are deceived.
- We just are.

How important is the correct use of anger.
- Indispensable thus a need.

Can't Repay You

Thank you!
I should be truncated for mentioning it a million times and not hurrying with this letter to you. And for delaying it so much I have learned a special way of apologizing, *standing up straight* , in Pashto!
Za dira lazima sham.
You know at times it is the people around you that help you recognize something great about you. In my case it is people like you that make me look great and, if I may take the liberty of saying, it is great people like you who force people like me to be great. And I thank you for that, I really do.

One day I sat with my lonesome and pondered over the enormity of Urdu and the next thing I know Iqbal was gifted to me. Iqbal! His poetic work primarily being in Persian but indispensable for Urdu, without a doubt, was presented to me, making me great and the credit goes to you. At times I lamented over not having enough exposure to Urdu that resulted into a weakness in command I maintain over it. You have clearly send a message thwarting my depression to the side that it's never too late. And what could be better in this regard than to have Iqbal's collection with translation? Nothing.

Over the past couple of years I have grown to be a believer of struggling in the way of one's interest and only after gaining authority over at least few if not all of its facets claiming audaciously a bond that may prevail between one and the beloved, in my case Urdu. You have helped me take a step forward into entering the world of laying the foundation of the process that will enable me to claim my love for the language confidently as I can support it with having explored an authority of it: Iqbal. What could be more substantial than quoting this when presenting an evidence for one's interest on the demand of the world?

With the tight schedule that we have I cannot assure you of a rapid growth of the treasure of words and understanding of the language, but I can guarantee progress and evolution, inshaAllah.

Love you!

In view

The other day in the bus when I gently placed her wobbling drowsy head on my shoulder it made it concrete how easy it is to melt a human, yet again. The previously stubborn air about her emitted clear signals of vanity until I showed an undaunted gesture of kindness irrespective of its honesty. I had straightened up as a preparatory measure to leave a couple minutes before my stop and it made her equally on toes to make way. As I got up to leave what amazed me was how approachable I had become after the 'showing to care' incident. She was not only quick, making sure clearing the way for me wasn't time taking, there also came a loud Allah Hafiz that made efforts to reach out. I smiled to her.

Mommy! Mommy, I made a new friend.

Speaking of friends and the ships of them, my rigidness and cynicism before the phenomena is persistent. And then there are times like yesterday when at an unexpected get-together I am surprised with a cake for my birthday that is still to come and I mollify, for a while at least, regardless of my disinterest in such a celebration. My birthday, half the time the occurrence of which is missed by me until a wish that comes as a reminder on the very day, a wish that matters and not just any wish.

The way I look at it there are two major explanations of how one cares or can care. One being caring at the right time that is when needed right then the care be. Second, only everyday is the proof of it. The former having more to do with expressions, real or unreal; something that earns social acceptability, righteousness, inner peace etc. The latter is unconditional and is the quintessence of life. Former may be based upon the needs of the recipient and an indiscretion may result in an irritated amalgam of confused, judgmental, provoked individuals. The latter is the basis of expectations, the fulfillment or shattering of which leave grave imprints, and this lot of people when are there at the time of need, it seems to me they are so with the purest of intentions and interests.

There are minor explanations as well, inconspicuous though. Those of discreet kind and those that are unobtrusive and quiet, indistinct. May be there is more to it.

Surgery OPD

Today it was a day of putting to test the attempt to empower our leader that was made by agreeing at once with an idea that he presented. We were to meet in the Surgery O.P.D and have a post graduate or someone explain to us various examinations. It started off with me taking the usual series of buses. As I sat in the first bus on my list expressions were studied, looks were given, smiles were exchanged and an odd endeavoring of strangers to impress one another anchored the crummy compartment. I got on the next bus, dodged the sight of the driver reflecting in so many little mirrors on the windshield, grabbed on to the rod from time to time and was showered with thrust outward droplets as the lady next to me sneezed more than a couple times, may be it was my perfume. Wait, I wasn't wearing any. Five minutes from my destination I received an interrogation via text on my mom's phone then met with the protesting and demanding eyes of girls that had decided to encourage the leader on his suggestion and were partially lamenting. Except the day eventually turned out to be a fruitful one. Alhumdulillah.

Initially, the girls separated themselves to go find someone else to help them, the effort went in vain. But we did manage a case of c.a breast, one with an indirect inguinal hernia and then we escaped the room for the environment turned hostile (read intimidating big guys). Then the story of today happened. A man, karhak aadmi as I would call him, came with a swelling in front of his neck. 

Introduction

Consent

Deglutition

Sweaty palms

Pulse

Pain

Attachment with skin

Shape

Size

Surface

Boundaries

Extent

Tenderness.....

We watched the big guy explain to us all the steps and a little bit of whys behind them, then lady-smaller-than-the-big-guy explained to us some more on the same karhak aadmi. One of the students examined him. Then some smaller-than-the-big-guy guys entered and asked to perform a timed examination on the same subject. I was impressed with the patient's patience. 

He finally talked, "Mujhay ek baat bataain, ap jo itna time laga rahay hain mujh per, konsa doctor itna time lagata hai? Main ap ka bohat mashkoor hun kay itnay saray doctors mera mu'aina kar rahay hain."

The almost-big-guy listened to him carefully while he explained how he has been licked by another hospital and since he has no longer the kind of pocket to support the expenses he has made way to JPMC. He mentioned about how he works for a bank and how fortunate he is to have so many doctors listen to him and examine him. He then asked the almost-big-guy to teach us to always give time to the person that has walked up to us with a problem. The almost-big-guy comforted and consoled him. 

After revising my newly learned Pashto sentences we walked into Aanton kay amraaz ka t.v wala room and saw some examination where another almost-big-guy told us a lot of cool stuff. Hafsa and I left the building with only me talking which was put to an abrupt halt as I got myself on a bus. The bus some ten minutes from my place encountered an unexpected barrier in the route which ticked the driver off and he over-sped and I closely watched the millimeter by which we were spared a heinous catastrophe that resulted into a lot of thanking of God. I got off the bus and took a rickshaw only to find that the girl I met in my first bus in the morning was sharing it with me.